I Read A Lot But Felt Disconnected // June Wrap Up

wrapup

Hey blogger friends!! It’s been a while or ten days, but whatever. I’ll get more into my absence later on. Anyway as if it’s the end of June??? I feel like a broken record saying this, but I can’t believe how fast the year’s going and I really need it to slow down.

In my promising news I totally kicked my reading slump’s ass.

For a while.

bookshauled

I currently no longer really have an income so the book hauls will definitely be deceasing. I did receive an unsolicited review copy of My Lovely Frankie by Judith Clarke from Allen & Unwin though! I don’t really know much about this book, but I think it deals with religion and sexuality? It’s not own voices as far as I’m aware so I’m a little hesitant, but Will Kostakis blurbed it so that gives me a bit of hope!! Then I won a copy of Contagion by Teri Terry from Date A Book.

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As I said above June was a MUCH better reading month for me. I was on a roll and read more than I think I’ve read all year. It helped that a lot of these were short, quick reads but I’m still proud of myself. I also completed my Goodreads goal! I have upped it again now though because it really helps motivate me. Towards the end of the month football and not so great life things took over so my reading was put on hold.

History is All You Left Me The Love Interest A House at the Bottom of a Lake We Are Okay

History is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera || ★★★★ || Whilst I didn’t love this as much as I loved More Happy Than Not it was still amazing. I love how Adam writes such realistic characters that all have flaws. The depiction of grief was spot on too.

The Love Interest by Cale Dietrich || ★★★★ || Okay so this was one of my most anticipated reads of the year and I was a TINY bit let down. You can definitely tell whilst reading this that it’s a debut, but I think a lot of people missed the point of it. The characters are supposed to seem one dimensional because it’s parodying YA tropes. I shipped Caden and Dyl so much and I even cried at one point. At one point it does look like queerbating is going on, ultimately that’s not the case but I know it’s harmed some readers so please be careful and keep that in mind if you pick this up. The writing isn’t perfect, but I think it’s a fun book and it does what it’s supposed to do.

A House at the Bottom of A Lake by Josh Malerman || ★★★★ || Bird Box is one of the most unique horrors that I’ve read and this short story did not let me down. I’ve never felt more anxious and on edge whilst reading something. It’s literally about what the title says and every scene underwater made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. It probably doesn’t help that drowning is one of my biggest fears. The romance between the characters wasn’t that great, but I didn’t even care because of the atmosphere. If you enjoy weird and creepy books then this one is a must!

We Are Okay by Nina Lacour || ★★★★★ || ONE OF MY TWO FAVOURITE READS THIS MONTH. This book, oh man. Nothing I say could do justice for how BEAUTIFUL it was. It’s not action packed or anything like that, but oh my god it’s just so beautiful? It’s character driven and not a lot happens, but the message it brings across is so important. I connected to this book on a personal level because it put so many of my jumbled feelings and thoughts into words. Marin’s grief mirrored my own so accurately.

As I Descended Risk The Refrigerator Monologues Down Among the Sticks and Bones (Wayward Children, #2)

As I Descended by Robin Talley || ★★★ || Normally these kind of paranormal/horror stories are reserved for White People so it was great seeing a cast of diverse characters instead however it felt like the rep wasn’t that great? That aside the character’s motivations seemed to make no sense. Maybe it’s because I literally have no idea what Macbeth is about. The only references I picked up were ones that were in Take A Break from the Hamilton soundtrack. The whole “what the actual fuck is happening” kept me interested though and I really enjoyed one of the side characters!

Risk by Fleur Ferris || ★★★★ || Fleur Ferris has definitely become one of my favourite OZ YA authors. I love that she writes such realistic thrillers and the characters ALWAYS get the police involved. This was about the dangers of meeting people online, but it wasn’t preachy like a whole lot of other things are when it comes to that. This book went somewhere I didn’t think it would go and I appreciate it for that. I also read it in a couple hours because I could NOT put it down.

The Refrigerator Monologues by Catheryne M. Valente || ★★★★ ★ || If you’re a fan of superheroes but hate how misogynistic they can be then definitely pick this up! This is a bunch of interwoven short stories about women who have died or been injured just to further a male character’s storylines. Each story is inspired by actual comic characters like Gwen Stacy and Harley Quinn. I LOVED the Harley Quinn inspired story to pieces. I really wish an entire comic universe existed with all the women from this anthology.

Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire || ★★★★★ || You all know how much I LOVED Every Heart A Door Way it was the first time I’d seen the word “aromantic” mentioned in a book. It was so magical and I related to the idea of not feeling like your home is really your home. The sequel (which is actually a prequel) didn’t disappoint. Whilst I did enjoy the “magic school” aspect of the first book more this book focused on Jack and Jill and brought up EXTREMELY important gender role topics. It really implemented how dangerous forced gender roles on children can be. There is slight use of the “bury your gays” trope though, which always sucks.

The Melody of You and Me (Lillac Town, #1) The Paths We Choose (Lillac Town, #2) Sleeping Giants (Themis Files, #1)

The Melody of You and Me and The Paths We Choose by M. Hollis || ★★★ || This is such a cute FF novella series!! You all know I NEVER read NA like EVER, but I couldn’t resist these novellas because of all the praise. They were exactly what I needed! There’s so many important discussion and heaps of sex positivity. There’s characters of all different sexualities and races. In The Melody of You and Me the MC is Pansexual!! It was great seeing my sexuality repped in a book. I couldn’t fully get into the writing style because there was a lot of “tell but not show”,  but it didn’t bother me too much.

Sleeping Giants by Sylvain Neuvel || ★★★★ || If you want a more adult fiction version of The Illuminae Files then I definitely recommend this book! It’s told entirely in interviews. It’s SUPER sci-fi and a lot went over my head, but it’s also one of the most interesting books I’ve read in a while. I’ve heard the audiobook is amazing and again similiar to The Illuminae Files with a cast of voice actors so I eventually wanna give that a try too.  

I Am More Than a Daydream They Both Die at the End

I Am More Than A Daydream by Jennae Cecilia || ★★★  || After finishing Sleeping Giants I wanted something quick so I chose a poetry book from my Kindle. This was really lovely and I annotated a fair few of the poems. I didn’t quiet connect with it though. Still a great poetry collection to check out though!

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera || ★★★★★ || I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS ABLE TO READ THIS BOOK. Thank you Simon & Schuester! It’s the reason I’m in a reading slump though. This book DEVASTATED me. Adam Silvera ripped my heart from my chest and stood on it. I think I might actually give this a reread and I’ll be hoping the ending is different the entire time. I don’t want to say too much because I’ll obviously have a full review up closer to the release date, but I just 😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔😭💔 You all aren’t ready. The fact that Adam managed to make such a strong connection between two characters who just met in a time frame of 24 hours is incredible. It was not insta-anything. This is honestly one of my fave books of 2017.

me-me-me

The past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling pretty disconnected from everything. My anxiety/depression goes in cycles and I’m never quiet sure how to handle the depression part. My anxiety is something I’m familiar with, but when I’m depressed I just forget how to function. My feelings aren’t on anyone except me, but sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough when it comes to the book community. I feel like I’m not posting consistently enough, not producing enough original content, not advocating/promoting diverse books enough ect. ect. When I first started blogging I felt like I had a really nice place in the community, but lately it seems like everyone – more so on Twitter – is breaking off into little groups and I’m just kinda floating around jumping in every now and again. I’ve honestly felt so welcomed here and I’m so grateful for how amazing everyone is, but sometimes with these groups it feels super exclusive? Like any kind of interaction with them would be forced or awkward. It kinda reminds me of when I was at school and had no solid friendship group so I just hang out with whoever was willing to have me and sat there silently and watched whilst everyone spoke about what they did together ect. This probably isn’t helped by the fact that lately I just feel like everything I do is annoying. I feel like every tweet/post/comment I make is wrong and a lot of times this week I’ve gone to comment on posts and just deleted everything. I even feel like this post is annoying.  I really, really, really love this community though. Despite all its faults it’s one of the best things that’s happened to me ♥

I also debated about doing this for MONTHS, but I setup a ko-fi to try and help with money for food and meds ect. If anyone can help out then that would be great! Even a few dollars. Of course I understand if you’re not able to ♥

theblog

So, I was REALLY happy with how consistently I’d been managing to post/blog hop at the start of the month. Then like I said above everything kinda fizzled out and I was back to being inconsistently consistent. Anyway! Here are some of the posts I did manage to get up this month:

I’m definitely going to try and continue with the Blogging Design Tips series next month!!

I’ve also become affiliates with Book Depository!! If you want to purchase a book from there considering using my link. Any profits I make will go back into this blog.

music

June has been an incredible month for music. My monthly playlist is way out of hand.

Best music find of June was hands down Waterparks. That band was a huge part of what got me through the month. Whilst I was disappointed with the new All Time Low album, Halsey and Lorde’s new album were INCREDIBLE. I need to do a Top 5 Music Monday post soon so I can fully go into what albums I’ve been loving recently.

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Would love to hear your thoughts on any of the books I read or anything else I mentioned!

What were some of your June favourites?

I hope you had a great June and an even better July.

 lauren xx.png

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53 thoughts on “I Read A Lot But Felt Disconnected // June Wrap Up

  1. I lovveeeee your monthly wrap ups! They’re always so detailed and entertaining, I might have start taking notes! I realllyyyyyy want to read the two Adam Silvera books, I’ve heard so many good things about it but similarly to you, I have no income at the moment so it might have to wait 😂 Yeah I sometimes feel the same way about the community, it’s difficult but I think its a great place for self-expression so there’s no such thing as wrong. I’m always here if you need anything, hope you’re alright 💖

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    1. Awww, Becca ♥♥ Thank you!! I always get worried that they’re too long and ramble-y ??? So I’m glad you like them!! Adam Silvera is honestly one of my favourite authors now. He could write a phone book and I’d read it 😂 Yes, definitely!! I think it’s more me feeling self-conscious and whatever. I’m so happy this community exists though and I love being a part of it.

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  2. You read so many books that are on my TBR this month, hahaha. I really need to read Silvera’s books. Like REALLY NEED TO. I also really want to read We Are Okay and M. Hollis’ novellas very soon. I actually have the novellas, so I really have no excuse not to read them, haha.
    I completely get where you’re coming from re: the community feeling like it’s splitting into exclusive groups. I’ve kind of been feeling the same way – like everyone seems to be part of these friendship groups and I’m just… not. I think part of the problem for me is that a lot of the bloggers that I used to talk to frequently have stopped blogging and aren’t around much anymore. It’s definitely bumming me out!

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    1. Ahhh yessss. He’s honestly become one of my favourite authors and I will forever read anything he writes. They were both super adorable!! Only took me about an hour to read each one too.

      Right!! I thought I’d be used to it having experienced it on Livejournal and Tumblr, but it still gets to me.

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      1. I’ve seen so many bloggers say similar things. I really can’t wait to finally read one of his books, whenever that happens, haha.

        Yeah, same. I think part of it is because I’ve watched people I used to talk to pretty frequently end up in these cliques and it makes me feel even more left out 😛

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  3. I’m happy you had such a lovely reading month, Lauren, it seems like you have read some fantastic books. I have We Are Okay, History is All You Left Me and The Love Interest on my TBR, I can’t wait to read these books.
    I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling a bit disconnected, but you are not alone in this. I have been feeling this to, most especially on Twitter, where basically I don’t feel like I belong so don’t really jump in conversations or anything. Everyone seems so, tight together, I don’t know. Anyway I’m really getting this feeling as well.

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    1. Thanks so much, Marie ♥♥ Ahh, I can’t wait for you to read them, I really hope you enjoy them 😀

      Ahh yes, same. I always hesitate to get involved in discussions because it feels like my opinion/voice isn’t really wanted??? Sorry you’re feeling it too, but at least we’re not alone I guess? Haha.

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      1. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel as well. I don’t feel entitled to speak at times, for some unknown reason, so I just stay on the sidelines and watch ahah. Yes, I’m glad at least we’re not alone feeling this way ❤

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  4. I’m so sorry you’re going through the depression part of the cycle 😦 but everything you said in that section of the post resonated with my so hard. I also feel like I “annoy” the people I follow on Twitter, especially the “cool” book bloggers who aren’t mutuals with me. It feels very much cliquish at times, and my tl fills up with these people who are all friends having a conversation and I’m not involved and don’t feel that I can/should get involved. It’s really really hard to deal with those feelings, but I know we’re not the only ones who feel that way. Like you, I’m frustrated by this, but also I feel that the book community here and on Twitter is one of the few places where I can connect with people who know some of what I’m going through. You’re definitely one of my favorites and you’ve helped me so much recently because I know I’m not alone. Just…you know I’m always around if you need to vent. ❤

    Also I just finished We Are Okay and it was definitely the book I needed right now. I was worried it would put me in a Mood but instead it just made me feel slightly less alone. The way Marin grieves is absolutely the way I go through depression and it's nice to see her get some sort of comfort toward the end of the book. There's something really cathartic about that. Plus Nina's writing is just SO GOOD.

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    1. The thing you said about your TL being full of conversations between people is sooo relatable. That happens all the time for me too and I feel like there’s absolutely no way I can jump in, haha. Also ♥♥♥ I’m so glad we managed to stumble across each other because you’ve definitely helped me with the same thing too!

      Ah, yay! I thought for a while it was going to do the same to me, but it actually really helped. I felt really inspired for a while after I read it. I really, really need to read more of her books!!

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      1. ❤ I'm so glad we have each other!!

        The only other Nina LaCour I've read is Everything Leads To You, which I remember as being pretty fluffy and adorable and plus it's f/f. It's set in Hollywood behind the scenes which is pretty interesting too. The writing on that one is equally beautiful. She has such a gift.

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  5. Seems like you had a brilliant reading month Lauren, it’s a shame about The Love Interest, I just finished that book recently myself and yeah I was a little disappointed. It was still a good read but I expected more from it. Also until I saw your post I didn’t eve realise Down Among the Sticks and Bones had been released. I need to get around to that ASAP because I loved the first book and know I’ll likely love this one as well. They Both Die at the End sounds amazing as well, I’m so glad you enjoyed that Lauren, it makes me even more excited for it myself. 😀 ❤
    I'm really sorry to hear you've been feeling a little disconnected from blogging recently. I love seeing your posts, in my opinion you're definitely doing enough because posting anything in general is enough, and I hope you start feeling connected to blogging again! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m really pleased with it considering how bad my last month was! Yeah, I was just expecting a little /more/ from TLI, but I don’t think it was as bad as some people made it out to be! Ahh, Down Among the Sticks and Bones was so wonderful 😀 I hope you love that! And TBDATE!!!

      Aw, thank you Beth ♥ You’re the sweetest.

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      1. I completely get what you mean about TLI because my feelings on it were the same, I expected more but it wasn’t as bad as some of the reviews led me to believe.
        I hope so too, Down Among the Sticks and Bones is high at the top of my to-read list for sure.
        That’s all right! 😀 ❤

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  6. You had an amazing reading month lovely!
    I sometimes too feel so disconnected, like i’m floating on twitter and just force my way in with comments to these groups. I honestly know what you mean by the exclusiveness of it, I always think how I must be so annoying to get involved. I adore this community but on twitter I always feel like i’m not part of it?
    I hate that we live on opposites ends of the world so that I can’t give you a giant hug when your depression and anxiety are at their worst for you. As I always tell you, you can get through this ❤

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    1. Thank you! I was so happy with it considering how bad May was, haha.

      The fear of me being annoying or my view not really being wanted by said groups can be so disheartening. Then because of that and not being involved in the conversations I feel like I’m not doing enough? It’s an awful cycle, haha.

      Ahhhh, same. Stupid oceans 😂 You’re the sweetest, Hannah ♥

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  7. I wish I could kick depression in the butt for you! Hugs!
    I’m sorry you’re feeling disconnected from the community. I feel that way too sometimes, and it’s not a good place to be in. But trust me, all your contributions and comments are valued, and you are not alone.

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  8. Wow, you had a great reading month! And, OMG, I’m so jealous you got the chance to read They Both Die at The End! I’m so excited (and scared!) to read it when it finally releases. Even more so now that I’ve read your mini-review. You’re right; I’m probably not prepared for my heart to be broken (again) but I’ll take it anyway.

    I’m sorry you’re going through the depression part of the cycle right now. I can relate and it sucks. I also understand what you’re saying about feeling disconnected. It’s not so bad here in the blogging community, but I definitely feel lost in the Twitter world too.

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    1. I couldn’t believe it when the Australian publisher put it up on Netgalley. I don’t think I’ve ever requested a book so fast!! It was soul crushing, but AMAZING. I hope you love it!!

      Thank you and I’m sorry you’re able to relate ♥♥ Yeah. I definitely feel more included on my actual blog, but when I jump over to Twitter it’s like where all the Cool Kids hang out and I’m not needed anymore 😂

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  9. I often feel that book community disconnection as well, basically because it’s so overwhelming of how active they are and how high quality they post (ex. Instagram). I’m not good with competition so I become inactive when realizing that I’ll probably never be at their level. And sometimes I read books I don’t wanna/can’t really talk about and all combined it makes up a bunch of an unmotivated me 😅 Funny how lately I’ve read about the book community in not maybe the most positive way, but I guess that will wash over like the summer hole that’s slowly creeping up 😀
    Have a good day!
    xo Annina
    (https://blattzirkus.wordpress.com)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes!! Oh man, Bookstagram lasted a few months for me before I gave up on that 😂 so not my scene. I can imagine the disconnection would be even harder on there. Yeah, I struggle with being motivated SO much. I feel like every time I do get into a good schedule of posting life suddenly pops up and is like “WELL ACTUALLY!!” which doesn’t help either.

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  10. Sorry you haven’t been feeling well. I also have depression, so I can relate. I don’t know what to do about it, though. I just wait around until it gets better again. It looks like you read a lot of amazing books this month. I just got The Love Interest. I really want to read both Adam Silvera books. They sound so good!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, sorry you’re going through it too ♥ I mostly just try and wait it out too! That usually works for me although sometimes when it sticks around for longer than necessary it’s harder to shake haha. I hope you enjoy them all. Adam Silvera is seriously amazing.

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  11. Don’t stress yourself with the posts in this community! If someone truly appreciate what you do, the consistency doesn’t matter. You’re doing great and even if you want to take a break for a while, a lot of us are still here for you. Hope you will get better soon!
    You read so much this month and I’m totally adding The Refrigerator Monologues to my TBR. Thanks for the recs!

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  12. Wow you read a lot of books this month! YAY! I still am in my slump. boo. Also, I can relate to your me section. I feel like that ALL THE TIME in this community. I feel like I’m just floating around but don’t actually have really solid friendships with everyone. It’s not a great feeling sometimes, especially because of how much love we put into our blogs and TRYING to talk to people. But I also think it’s just who I am. I always feel like the odd ball out, ever since I was young I’ve been like that >.< So, we can be odd balls together 🙂

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    1. Yes!! I’m pretty happy considering May was a terrible month for me, haha. I hope your slump goes soon!!

      Riiiiight. It can be so hard especially when some people feel so exclusive and it’s like your voice isn’t needed?? If it helps at all when I first started blogging you were one of the people who really inspired me!! Being odd is better than being normal anyway 🙌🏻

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  13. Ahhh I talked to you on Twitter and I read the part about your depression and it really sucks and I feel the same, but for some happy news: I’ve been listening a lot to Imagine Dragon’s new album and I love it! I also donated some dollars, and it’s really not a lot but soon I’ll be working a lot more (I just don’t have a lot of money myself and rent needs to be paid) and I’ll be able to help you further!! Good luck and you can always talk to me if you feel like it! (Lunar_luci on Twitter)

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      1. I can not thank you enough for donating ♥♥♥ That honestly means the world to me and I wish there was some way I could repay you!! I have Imagine Dragons album in my iTunes defs need to give it a listen 😀 And I hope you love We Are Okay it was so beautiful.

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  14. I didn’t know that Josh Malerman had anything else out other than Bird Box. I need that story now, especially since you rated it so well! I actually just finished Sleeping Giants this morning, and enjoyed it.
    Looks like you had a great reading month, sorry to hear that it was a bit rough in other areas. Sending lots of love your way, and if you ever need to chat, feel free to hit me up.

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    1. He had a new release out recently too Black Mad Wheel!!! It seems quiet different, but I’m super intrigued by his writing style so I want to try and get to it soon. Yay, glad you enjoyed that one too. I’m definitely interested in seeing where it goes in the next book.

      It was so much better than May, thank god ahahah. Thank you ♥♥♥

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  15. Oh wow, looks like you had an amazing reading month Lauren! I’m so happy you loved History Is All You Left Me and It’s so great that you got to read They Both Die At The End and loved it! I’m so looking forward to that one myself! And We Are Okay sounds so good, I must get to that one soon!
    I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so disconnected lately. I do understand your feelings completely and I’m always here if you need to vent or anything. You’re for sure one of my favorite bloggers ❤
    Also, YAY Waterparks 🙂 I still need to get to the new Lorde and Halsey albums though, oops.

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    1. I’m so happy with it considering how bad May was for me, haha. It’s honestly become one of my new all time favourite books!! I’m sure you’ll love it 😀 Thank you ♥♥♥

      Haha, no that’s understandable because there’s like way too much music out there atm and not enough time.

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  16. I’m so glad you have a good reading month. I really want to read We Are Okay. I’m so sorry you had a sucks month inner personally. I will always welcome you because you are awesome. And you bc you have great taste in music. 😜

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  17. So many books! That’s an awesome month in reading! And that playlist is marvelous! I’ve been listening to Halsey lately. Her voice is just great 🙂

    Sorry you haven’t been feeling well. I hope you’re doing better. I sort of feel the same way for the last few months. I feel like I should be more involved with the blogging community, blog hop more and produce more original posts. And whenever I fail to do that, I just feel worse about it and feel like giving up blogging all together. Some days I wonder why I even try. But whenever you drop by with a comment, I remember that someone out there cares enough to leave a comment. I really appreciate it 🙂 So please don’t feel that everything you do is annoying.

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  18. Ahhh so many books! That is SO great ahah. I am sosososososo excited for They Both Die at the End!!!! Adam Silvera is one of my favourite authors ever and oh my gosh!!!! THE FEELS. NOT READY. I am so glad you loved it, makes me even more excited for it, which I didn’t think was possible? And ahhhh We Are Okay!! I MUST read that one asap.

    I’m so sorry to hear about feeling disconnected! I totally can understand how you feel though, both for blogging and Twitter especially, there seems to be so many connections already formed and I’m just there awkwardly, but you are *not* annoying at all aha, if that helps at all, I truly do mean it. ❤ ❤ Your posts are so engaging to read and I love visiting your blog! Sending you all the love!!

    Liked by 1 person

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